So here it is the holidays and I am roughly one week out from a trial separation, you may ask how did I get here? Well it is a very long story of the two of us changing our lives extremely with the birth of our daughter on 2006. Our world turned upside down immediately as she had extreme colic from birth. She screamed when I took her to get washed up after birth down the hall, she screamed in the room at the hospital, the nurses had to take her away from us to the nursery just so we could get some rest.
As time went on we both thought what did we do? There was nothing we could do it seemed to soothe the situation. As time went on she grew to be a picky eater and did not sleep well at all.
The stress of all of this was compounded by the fact that I travel for work, the upside is I work from home but then I am gone spread out for up to 3 months accumulative thru the year.
With that said my wife was left alone a lot with a child she could not soothe.
I have been told by her the there was a great resentment that I was away and still going out to dinner to nice places etc. She has said recently that all is forgiven but that is just not so.
Anyway starting 2 years ago (december 2008) I noticed her starting to be further and further from me emotionally. Along side this she started going out at night a couple times with another man disguised as meetings. Also she then started crying when we made love also.
There is a lot more to the story and I see myself more telling the details in posts as situations come up in the future. This sort of gives a broad overview and I will be ready to tell more if anyone comments also.
Anyway Jan 2009 to June 2009 were rough, she was not listening to me about day to day stuff, for example for months I said a bunch of my work was gone for the summer, then in June she freaks out and says how are we going to get thru the summer???
June in a bar on a night out from the kid, she asks if I would be up for an open relationship. This hit me so hard I could not believe she would ask something like this when we did not even have our own relationship anymore. I did not respond then, we came home and we had the last honest moment since where she was giggly over sneaking some food in the kitchen I saw her and was smitten all over again and declared "I cannot share you", she looked at me kissed me and all seemed ok.
Our friend convinced her to get therapy starting the end of June, she was placed on Lexapro which took some time to help. We started out own marital therapy in August, which was going well and then got muddied up by me bringing up the other man and her the following week saying she was talking of divorce in her personal sessions.
We decided to take a break from the therapy, she asked if I could wait a few months and then we would date again starting Feb 2010. I agreed.
The dating was bad we just went out nothing was connecting just talking and nothing close physically still. It just went away without her acknowledging or talking to me that it wasn't working. She came up last summer to have some private time to say to each other what we love about one another, easy for me. Seemed pretty strained what she came up with for me. Again this exercise just fizzled and went away without really saying it wasn't working for her.
We started August this year more therapy in which she came not really willing to be a participant. She didn;t want to go weekly and she refused to call it therapy and that is was counseling only!! I tried to bring up the past she said she does not want to talk about it as it is an open sore. She refused to bring up the other man and only gets angry if we talk about him. I was stuck in a rut with someone who would not talk in sessions.
I brought up the separation as something to just get us out of a rut and maybe talk, turns out she had a plan for this already.
She decided to start this after Christmas so we could both be around for our daughter, I wish we just started this a month and half ago when we brought it up.
There is so much more to fill in the cracks but I would be amazed if you are still even reading right now. I'll post tomorrow on my plan to make this bearable and what books I have read so far.
